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Enough is enough…

When will the thoughts of inadequacy stop?  When will the value of who I really am stick?  When will the offense not always be about me?  Why do I think so dag gum much? When will ENOUGH BE ENOUGH?

I long for peace when it comes to relationships. To trust and feel special to someone to the point where you know you’re the first one she will call when she found that cute outfit on sale or when she doesn’t want to get out of bed but wants me to come over and crawl in the bed with her and eat junk food then watch movies until we are sick. The one who wants to leave her husband but you get in her face and speak truth that only you can do. Are those situations real or just what i see if the movies?  Am I immature to wish for this?  Do I sound like a middle schooler or simply a woman longing for relationship?

Then I think “be the friend you want to have.”  But that seems so hard to do, where do I begin.  What is the first step?  Is it as simple as asking someone to coffee?  Or taking them a meal?  What about just commenting on a Facebook post and hoping for a connection? Can I get an AMEN ladies???   Then the GROW UP and MOVE ON voices start but in all seriousness there is hurt we must address.

So where do we go from here? Back to the basics of who You say I am. That I AM a daughter of the most high God.  Think about that, a daughter – and what do daddy’s like to do with their daughters?  Take care of them.  Protect them.  And I am a daughter, I do have a heavenly Father who loves to listen to what I have to say. A daddy who smiles when I can’t think of the right word to say and doesn’t judge me when I have a ton of run on sentences in this blog.  God how do you do it?  How do you see me in all this mess and smile? Because I know you do!  I am sure my life is comical to You as you shake Your head wondering when I will get it. Or does it break Your heart?

Speaking of daddy’s, I never had a dad that walked me through hard times or just held me to show me he loved me yet You do.  You don’t put Your hand on Your hip and say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH and push me away.  You don’t gather the angels and say “would you look at that?” You just stay by my side and wait for me to be done with ME and finally run to You. You meet me where I am and take me as I am.  Maybe that’s it!!!  We have a hard time taking people as they are.  Their lives can be messy and who wants to get all messy.  We like for things to be organized and structured. Planned and simple but relationships are not like that.  They are complicated, unpredictable and untamed.  They are full of unknowns and who wants to engage in that?  Maybe that’s why some of us distance ourselves because we like order and we like to control. There’s a false sense of security in controlling something but the last time I checked He’s called us to trust Him even in the mess.  He’s called us to deny ourselves, take up our cross daily and follow Him. Follow Him to the unknown, to the uncharted territory and break new ground.  So God help me to lay down these insecurities because they are weighing me down.  Help me to be willing to get messes in my relationships and to find my value in You.

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH…

 

 

Broken Expectations

So… I’m booking the flight to come to Fla… needing to have some R&R. I had a great flight, Cheryl, my BFF, picks me up and we head to eat a fabulous dinner @ Olive Garden and then my mind starts thinking… the beach, the beach, when am I going to see those waves? I have thought about nothing else before this trip but laying on the beach and feeling the rays and doing nothing eles… but once we hit her house, I CRASH!! Holy cow- ready for bed by 10:00!!!  My body is telling me how long I have been going and it says it’s time to STOP!

So this morning I wake up even though my body says NO and start reading Francis Chan’s Crazy Love and “the beach” pops up again. As I wait for Cheryl to get home, I anticipate this day on THE BEACH… my body once again says NO!  All my mind is thinking about is those rays but my body is so sleepy then as I look out the window all I see is rain! By the way, it hasn’t rained here in MONTHS!! So… you know what that means.. NO BEACH!!

My mind was disappointed as I saw the rain b/c I had expectations -so when they are not met am I disappointed!!

Sometimes, I have to learn to just know when it’s not going to happen!  Sure going to the beach is a small let down but what about when people let you down?  What is our reaction?  Do we let them know or do we just sit in our disappointment? 

Life is full of disappointments, people let you down, the money doesn’t come through, the kids don’t make the choices you wished they would and so on.

If you’re dealing with broken expectations… take a look at your expectations, are you setting them too high in some cases or do you need to know how to better handle the disappointment?   Maybe we should just come to the realization that they’re just not going to happen and it’s OK!! Another thing i have learned is to avoid sitting in that disappointment too long… it can really get ugly in there!!!  Check this out…. this is how  your emotions run:

YOU HAVE AN EXPECTATION- THAT EXPECTATION IS NOT MET SO YOU ARE DISAPPOINTED, DISAPPOINTMENT TURNS TO HURT, HURT TURNS TO ANGER, ANGER TURNS TO BITTERNESS AND NOW YOU ARE STUCK!!!

So I guess I’m just taking a look at my expectations and will try to not go too far into this process…

 

What has disappointed you today? I would love to hear about it…

Crazy Weekend

Holy cow- this weekend has been insane!! Taylor’s gym hosted a gymnastics meet at the Cartersville High School, Donnie and I worked are booties off!! Friday – 4:30-10:00, Sat. 1:00-12:00 Yeah – you read that right (11 hours) MIDNIGHT!! UGH!! Then Sunday 6:30 – 9:30….  so the Slades are POOPED!! Taylor also competed and had a pretty good meet!! She has gotten so strong on bars now that when she scored a 9.25 we were DISAPPOINTED!! Isn’t that crazy??? It wasn’t long ago that she barely could get an 8!!! It’s crazy how strong she has become this year!! She ended up taking 2nd place all around.. way to go TAYLOR!!

 

Ty went to Dare2share Friday and Saturday  and came home sick – he’s running around 100 fever now… and still wanting to go to school tomorrow! He kills me how he hates missing!! I think it has something about his girlfriend and baseball!! He will do anything to get to school… I have to say though.. since I haven’t seen him all weekend… I am looking forward to spending some time with him tomorrow!  Pretty bad when you look when you can only get time with your teenager when their sick!! LOL

Well… If I kept blogging I would be rambling… I am so tired I can barely focus on the screen.. Donnie is reaching over to rub my leg as if to say… it’s time to go to sleep… so I will say good night…

Disappearing…

ok.. so this is so cool how things just come together.  I have been wanting to blog – not for any reason but just to get my thoughts out there and finally made the time to sign up… then  comes picking the theme… what to do… and i realized… i don’t know what theme fits me b/c i’m not sure about alot of things about myself.  I realized a few years back that over the last several years I was taking on my husbands thoughts, dreams and passions.  I would only eat what he ate, do what the kids wanted , listen too what they wanted on the radio while I was slowly disappearing.  On top of that this world gives you so many choices – hip hop, rap, country, screamo,(NOT), inspirational,  pop, Coke, Pepsi, Oreo’s, Chocolate Chip, and let’s don’t even talk about coffee!!  I have seemed to get overwhelmed, lost in the madness of choices…SO- today as i picked through the themes for this blog i saw this one!! Holy COW!! I LOVE banana smoothie’s!! THIS I KNOW!!! Haven’t had one in years so this is the PERFECT place for me to start bloggin’ – exposing who I’ve been, who I am  and who I want to become…

It’s tough living and feeling you disappear at times. The need to explore where those thoughts and emotions stem from and how they move me .  I have learned that “gettin’ understanding” is so powerful!  When I start noticing I’m the one in the back, the one hidden, behind, the one lost in it all I  wonder how i got there. I’m not referring to not being in a crowd or anything physical… just the emotional disappearing.  I suppose if I don’t know what I like -I can not stand my ground, make my point, or maybe I do at times know what I like, what I want but just feel I’m not heard.  Maybe that’s it… maybe I have found things I like in the past, things that interests me but haven’t been heard!!! Is being heard that powerful?? Who knew?  

 

So today I will pay attention to the things I like, move towards gettin’ understanding, and try to learn how to be heard…